Why Drinking Stops Feeling Like a Choice (And Why That’s Not Your Fault)
If you’ve ever found yourself asking, “Why do I keep doing this when I don’t even want to drink?” …. this is for you.
This is one of the most common (and heartbreaking) places women get stuck. I was stuck for YEARS →
You know alcohol is making you feel worse.
You wake up promising yourself tonight will be different.
You swear you’re done with the endless cycle of drink → regret → repeat.
And then… 4pm hits. Or the weekend rolls in. Or the stress piles up. And suddenly you’re pouring a drink you swore you didn’t want and promising to try again tomorrow.
It feels confusing. It feels demoralizing. And it feels like you’ve somehow lost your ability to make a simple decision.
But here’s the truth I wish every woman knew sooner:
What you’re experiencing isn’t a lack of willpower. It’s brain chemistry.
And it is extremely common.
The Moment Drinking Quits Being a Choice
Most women assume they “should” be able to control their drinking because they control every other area of their lives:
They’re smart. Capable. Responsible.
They run households, run businesses, run teams.
They carry all the mental load.
So when drinking becomes chaotic or compulsive, the internal dialogue turns brutal:
“What’s wrong with me?” “Why can’t I stop?” “Why do I keep doing something I don’t even enjoy anymore?”
But here’s what’s actually happening beneath the surface:
Every time you drink, your brain is making a connection.
Alcohol → dopamine → temporary relief.
Your brain remembers the chemical surge.
It associates alcohol with comfort, reward, escape, or numbness.
And with repetition, that association becomes wired into your nervous system.
Over time, the habit shifts from:
“I choose to drink,” to “I feel compelled to drink.” It becomes autopilot, something that begins to happen out of habit more than desire or decision.
This is the exact moment women start to panic; because it feels like the drinking is happening to them instead of by them.
But again: This isn’t weakness. This isn’t brokenness. This is literally how alcohol works in the human brain.
When Dopamine Gets Hijacked (A Quick, Gentle Science Lesson)
Dopamine is your brain’s “feel good” messenger: it helps you experience pleasure, reward, motivation, relief.
When you drink, dopamine surges.
Here’s the catch:
Your brain can’t handle that much dopamine over and over.
So it adapts by producing less of it naturally… and becoming less sensitive to the dopamine alcohol creates.
That means two things begin to happen:
Your baseline mood drops. Things that used to make you feel good suddenly… don’t.
Alcohol becomes the only thing that can create relief. You aren’t choosing it, you’re craving chemistry.
This is the turning point where drinking no longer feels optional.
This is the turning point where the guilt sets in.
And this is the turning point where so many women feel alone; even though nothing about this experience is uncommon or shameful.
The Autopilot Effect: When Habit Takes Over
Once your brain connects alcohol with emotional regulation, it becomes automatic:
Stress? Drink.
Lonely? Drink.
Bored? Drink.
Happy? Drink.
Overwhelmed? Drink.
You don’t decide → you react.
You follow the same pathway your brain has been rehearsing. And the more often you rehearse it, the stronger the pathway becomes.
This is why women say things like:
“It’s like my arm reaches for the wine before I even think.”
“I don’t want it, but I pour it anyway.”
“It doesn’t even taste that good anymore but I drink it anyway.”
That feeling isn’t imaginary. It’s neurological.
So Where’s the Hope? Right Here.
If drinking has stopped feeling like a choice, the solution is not to shame yourself.
The solution is not to “try harder” or rely on willpower.
The solution is to break the association alcohol has built with dopamine, emotions, and relief - long enough for your brain to recalibrate.
And the beautiful thing?
Your brain can absolutely heal.
Your emotional stability can return.
Your natural dopamine and serotonin can normalize.
Your ability to experience joy, calm, pleasure, connection, and peace will come back online.
Quitting drinking isn’t about depriving yourself. It’s about giving your brain a chance to remember how to function without being hijacked.
It’s about getting you back. And no matter how far gone you think you are, I promise there’s still hope for you. At the end of my drinking was consuming 1+ bottles of wine most nights… and I quit without feeling miserable, deprived, or white-knuckling it🖤
If this resonates…
It’s not because you’re weak or broken. It’s because you’re waking up to the truth of what’s been happening inside your brain.
And that awareness is the first door to freedom!
And if you're ready to finally step out of this cycle, finally ready to be the version of you that’s not ruled by alcohol, I can help you do just that inside The Alcohol-Free Blueprint.
January is coming. A fresh year. A fresh season. A fresh start. You can make the kind of gentle, empowering change that lasts more than just 30 days.
This could be the time that it all comes together and you experience the peace, confidence, and calm that you’ve been chasing all this time🖤
xx -
Shannon
Learn More & Join me inside The Blueprint HERE