When the Holidays Feel “Fine”… But Also Kind of Heavy

There’s a version of sobriety we often expect during the holidays.

We imagine feeling proud, clear-headed, present. We imagine waking up grateful we didn’t drink. We imagine thinking, “This is better. I’m better.”

And sometimes… all of that is true.

But sometimes, sobriety during the holidays feels a little more complicated than that.

You go to the gatherings. You sip your NA drink. You leave when you want to. You wake up without regret.

And still… there can be a quiet heaviness that lingers.

Not overwhelming. Not dramatic. Not even requiring action or resolution. It’s just there.

A sense of being slightly out of sync. A feeling of being on the outside looking in. A low-level sadness you can’t quite name.

This is the part of sobriety we don’t talk about enough.

→ Because nothing is “wrong,” yet something feels different.

Sobriety Removes the Buffer

Alcohol used to soften the edges of everything.

It made small talk feel easier. It made awkward pauses disappear. It made surface-level connection feel like enough. (I go deeper into this topic on the podcast.)

When you remove that buffer, you don’t just feel clearer; you feel more.

More aware of your energy. More aware of what feels draining. More aware of how much you value real connection now. And more aware of how exhausting it is to just go through the motions.

So when you’re in loud rooms, surrounded by people but not deeply connected, it can feel oddly lonely; even if everyone is smiling.

But here’s the think: that doesn’t mean sobriety isn’t working. It means it is.

Two Things Can Be True at Once

You can be grateful you didn’t drink and you can grieve the ease you used to feel.

You can enjoy moments of the season and feel disconnected from parts of it.

You can know you don’t want to go back and miss how effortless things once felt.

Sobriety doesn’t flatten your emotions: it expands them.

And expansion can feel uncomfortable before it feels peaceful.

This Is a Season of Recalibration

If the holidays feel “fine, but heavy,” it may simply mean you’re in a recalibration.

Your old ways of socializing don’t quite fit anymore. But your new rhythms, connections, and comforts are still taking shape.

That in-between space can feel quiet. Unfamiliar. Sometimes lonely.

But it’s not without purpose.

It’s where discernment grows. It’s where you start choosing quality over quantity. It’s where you begin building a life that actually feels good - rather than one that just looks full.

Be Gentle With Yourself Here

You don’t need to force joy.
You don’t need to pretend everything feels magical.
You don’t need to “figure it all out” this season.

Sometimes the most honest thing you can do is admit:

This feels okay… but also kind of tender.

That honesty is not weakness. It’s awareness.

And awareness is what allows something truer (and more sustaining) to grow in time.

If this season feels layered for you, you’re not behind. You’re not failing. And you’re not doing sobriety wrong.

You’re simply learning how to live - and connect - without numbing yourself.

And that takes patience & trust 🖤

xx-

Shannon