Learn from My Mistake: First Sober Holidays Edition

My first Thanksgiving after I quit drinking caught me completely off guard.

I was about ten weeks sober, feeling strong and confident… until that day hit. I found myself sitting at the table feeling mad that I “couldn’t” drink. By the end of the night, I was frustrated, exhausted, and caught in the same old mental gymnastics:

Should I just drink one more time?
Could I do it and not tell anyone?
Why am I missing alcohol so much when I’ve been feeling so good?

It didn’t occur to me until later that “sober me” had never done “sober holidays.”
And honestly? I hadn’t prepared myself for it. Lesson learned.

The Turning Point

Once I realized I didn’t want to just survive the holidays, I wanted to actually enjoy them,  I got to work. 

I made a plan.

Here’s what changed everything for me:
⭐️ I made some mindset shifts.
⭐️ I focused on reality instead of romanticizing.
⭐️ I made checklists and plans for the big events.
⭐️ I set boundaries where I needed to.
⭐️ I spoiled myself a little.
⭐️ I gathered my tools for cravings and triggers.

And you know what?

The rest of that holiday season was amazing!
I spent my first sober Christmas and New Year’s feeling confident, proud, and so at peace. 

No FOMO. No wishing I could drink. Just gratitude and actual fun. Like belly laughing with tears running down my face kind of fun. 100% sober.

Why Hope Isn’t Enough

Here’s the mistake so many of us make in early sobriety: we head into big events or holidays with our fingers crossed, hoping we’ll “be good.”

Hope is beautiful, but it’s not a strategy.

If you’re not firmly committed to staying alcohol-free and don’t have a plan, you’re making things so much harder than they need to be.

Because when the wine is flowing, and old traditions start to pull at you, your brain will find a thousand reasons to talk you into drinking.

But when you plan ahead, when you go in prepared and grounded - you take back control of your story.

The Reality Check That Helped Me Most

One of the biggest mindset shifts for me was this: stop romanticizing, and focus on reality.

I had to stop telling myself that drinking made the holidays special, and start remembering the truth.

The truth was waking up bloated and anxious.
The truth was hiding hangovers behind coffee and concealer.
The truth was missing real moments with my kids because I was distracted, fuzzy, or checked out.

Once I let myself see that clearly, it wasn’t about “missing out” anymore.
It was about not missing my life.

Creating a New Kind of Joy

When I let go of the idea that alcohol made the holidays fun, I started creating new traditions that actually felt good.

I stocked up on alcohol-free drinks (because sometimes you just want to scratch the itch).
I leaned into comfort - candles, cozy pajamas, early nights.
I set boundaries with people and events that drained me.
And I started treating myself with the same tenderness I used to save for everyone else.

That year, I hosted parties where other people drank… and I didn’t care.
We traveled (with all the chaos that comes from being a special needs family), and I stayed calm and steady.

I felt empowered, capable, and genuinely excited to be sober.

You Can Feel That Way Too

If you’re heading into your first sober holiday season, please hear me when I say this:

You are not missing out.
You are not less than.
And your holidays don’t have to feel heavy or lonely.

You just need a plan - and a community that helps you feel grounded and supported through it.

That’s what we are doing inside Elevate.

It’s where sober women gather to stay centered, confident, and inspired through every season - especially the tricky ones like this.

So if you’ve been feeling good in your sobriety but want guidance, structure, real-life tools, and a group that gets it… join us inside Elevate.

Let this be the holiday season you remember for how peaceful, proud, and present you felt - not for what you gave up.

xx-

Shannon